My wife and I are on the hunt for our first house. We made lists of what we absolutely need, what we want, and what we can’t deal with. We pretty much had the same ideas about what we’re looking for – a few bedrooms, good schools nearby, a fenced-in yard for our pup, and a house that doesn’t need a ton of fixing up. The only thing I’m 100% against is living in a place with an HOA.
I grew up seeing the headache my parents went through dealing with an HOA and I don’t want to go through that kind of hassle if I’m shelling out a lot of money for a house. Even if a place checks off everything on our list, if it’s part of an HOA, count me out.
Our house search has been rough. We’ve been priced out of a lot of areas we liked and the places in our budget aren’t quite right. We’ve toured countless homes, battled over offers, and fought about what we want. It’s been a struggle.
Last week, our realtor sent us a listing she thought was perfect for us. My wife was so excited by the pictures and wanted to see it in person. But, there it was – the dreaded HOA. I said no way and didn’t even want to consider it.
Well, my wife went ahead without me and saw the house. She came back all hyped up and wanted to make an offer. She spent the whole night trying to convince me, saying it’s her dream home and we should at least try. I wasn’t having it.
I told her an HOA is a hard pass for me and I was upset she went behind my back. She tried to downplay the impact of an HOA, saying it wouldn’t be that bad compared to how much we’d love the house. But she’s never dealt with an HOA like I have. I reminded her that we agreed from the start that both of us had to be on board with a house, no matter the reason. And she knows an HOA is my ultimate deal-breaker.
Now she’s mad at me for vetoing her dream home. She insists we won’t find another house that meets all her needs and wants. But I think she’s just frustrated with the whole process and taking it out on me.
Farewell,
House Hunting Hopeful
Hello There,
It sounds like you and your wife have been through quite a journey in your search for a new home, and I can understand how frustrating it must be to feel like you’re close to finding the perfect place, only to have a major deal-breaker come up. It’s clear that the issue of an HOA is very important to you, and it’s completely valid for you to stick to your guns on that.
Your wife may see this particular house as a dream home, but it’s important for both of you to be on the same page when making such a significant decision. The fact that she viewed the house without your involvement and is now pushing you to compromise on your deal-breaker is understandably upsetting.
It’s worth having a calm and honest conversation with your wife about why the HOA is a non-negotiable aspect for you. Perhaps sharing your experiences with your parents’ HOA could help her understand your perspective better. Remind her of the agreement you both made at the beginning of your search that any veto reason should be respected.
Moving forward, it might be helpful to revisit your needs and wants lists together, and perhaps consider expanding your search parameters slightly to find a home that meets your criteria without the added stress of an HOA. Remember, finding a home is a significant decision, and it’s important that both of you feel comfortable and happy with the choice you make.
Best of luck with your home search, and I hope you and your wife can come to a resolution that works for both of you.
Warm regards,
THE MOVING DIARIES
